


A Very Successful Rescue

by AnnieVH



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe - Thumbelina Fusion, F/M, Humor, commission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 06:27:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6412660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnieVH/pseuds/AnnieVH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tinker Bell gets kidnapped by the Mole King, who wants her to become his new bride. Neal comes to her (rather inefficient) rescue. A TinkerBae story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Very Successful Rescue

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: maddiebonanafana, who also commissioned it.

There was nothing like shock to put things in perspective. Neal had spent the last three days worried sick about Tinker Bell, following Emma and David as they chased down every known villain in Storybrooke, and calling Belle every five minutes to see if she had any new information. But the moment his father spoke, all was forgotten and replaced by the utmost confusion.

“I don't think I fully understand what you're saying.”

Rumpelstiltskin eyed his wife, who was holding an open book in her hands, as if she held a much better explanation than he could ever provide. Belle gave him a shrug. She had nothing. So he looked back at his son, patiently, and said, “I understand why that would be a hard tale to get your head around, Baelfire, but it's the truth.”

“You're telling me a mole – a real, animal, furry mole, like... a _mole._ That a _mole_ kidnapped my girlfriend because it wants to marry her?”

“We cannot confirm it's fury,” Belle offered. “The Mole King is not in animal form in this realm.”

“In all likelihood, I think it's safe to assume so,” Rumple said, a little smirk on the corner of his lips. The ridiculousness of the situation was not lost on him. Belle shot him a warning look. If she had to keep a straight face, then he was damn well going to do the same.

Neal shouted, “But why?! How?!”

Belle said, “We have no idea.”

“My bet is that someone left him at the altar,” Rumple volunteered. “Sounds reasonable enough. And now he's in search of the perfect bride and, unfortunately for your girlfriend, he's taken a liking to Tinker Bell.”

“Moles are known to be partial to tiny women with wings,” Emma remarked.

Rumple frowned. “Are they? I've never heard of that before.”

“I just mean-”

“Nevermind that!” Neal cut in. “Belle can read you that story later. Can we focus on the problem at hand? How do I get Tink back?”

Belle laid down the book she was holding and pointed at an illustration. An underground series of tunnels that seemed to trace all the way down to the center of the earth. She said, “According to our research, the Mole King lives underground with his subjects.”

“He has subjects?” Emma said.

“He's a king, Miss Swan,” Rumple said. “What good is a king without a few mindless followers?”

“And how do we find him?” Neal asked.

Belle answered, “My best bet is that you will find an entry to his tunnels inside the mines. They'll run deep into the ground, deeper than the dwarfs go. But I don't think it will be hard to find.”

“Good. Call if you discover any new information.”

Neal turned his back and tried to walk out of the room, but his father held him by the shoulder. “What? Where are you going?”

“To save my girlfriend.”

“You should wait until you know more-” Belle tried.

Neal said, “Yes, that was all very well five minutes ago, before I was told a freaking _mole_ was trying to _marry_ Tink. I believe time is of the essence here.”

“I agree with Neal,” Emma said. “I'll call my dad and Regina.”

Rumpelstiltskin, who did not appreciate his only son being sent into danger, even if the danger in question was only a garden pest, tried to argue, “But you don't even know how to defeat that thing!”

“Defeat it? It's a mole, dad!” Neal said, picking a cutlass from a nearby umbrella stand. “I think after handling Cora, Peter Pan, Hades-”

“And the Dark One,” Emma said, under her breath.

“I think we have a pretty good chance against a furry rat that can't see in the light.”

 

*

 

“Do you like your new dress, my dear?”

“You're insane.”

The Mole King didn't seem bothered by her rudeness. He never did. She had been in his cave for three days now, and her answers never varied from “no”, “bite me” and a few variations on the word “crazy”. He'd only reacted with condescending smiles, and once by pinching her cheeks red, saying she was the cutest – which Tink was sure was intended as affection, rather than a punishment, but it didn't matter. She didn't appreciate it and almost managed to leave a bite mark on his hand.

“Now, I know it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding, but I think we can risk it. I just wanted to see the look of happiness on your face when you saw your wedding attire.”

Tink stared at him, looking anything but happy.

“You don't have to hold back on my account, sugar plums.”

“I'm not your sugar plums, and we are not getting married!” she snapped.

Behind her, Miss Field, the mousy looking woman who had been fixing her dress for the past hour, giggled. “Isn't she cute, Your Majesty? She's got fire. I told you she'd make the perfect wife.”

Tink rolled her eyes. This was the last time she helped a strange old lady cross the street. Only in Storybrooke could an act of kindness quickly escalate into a kidnapping.

“The wedding will be at sunset. Is that to your liking?”

“No.”

“Every creature of the underground has been invited.”

“Don't care.”

“And Daniel and Godfrey are currently kidnapping the cricket so he can perform the ceremony.”

“ _What the hell is wrong with you_?” she shouted.

Miss Field was by her side before the Mole King had the chance to get offended.

“She's so very flattered, Your Majesty.”

“No, I'm not flattered!” Tink shouted, as if being louder could bring them to reason. “I am _not_ getting married today! Or any other day!”

“Would you prefer the morning?” he offered, concerned. “The invitations will have to be reprinted, but I think it can be done.”

“There is no need to reprint anything, Your Majesty. She'll be ready by sunset, won't you, Tinker Bell?”

She gave the fairy a stern look.

For the tenth time, Tink tried to escape the rope around her wrists. If only she could punch that woman square in her mousy face. But she'd have to wait for the Mole King to leave the room before she made any attempts. In this form, he was large and imposing, almost twice her size, with beady eyes that turned affectionate whenever they were on her, but that could burn with a fiery rage otherwise. The first time she tried to escape, it hadn't taken him five minutes to locate her and drag her back to her room. The tunnels he had built were dark and she could barely see inside its walls. He was strong, too. And if size and strength weren't enough, there were the sharp, long claws he had pressed to her neck, warning her, “Now, now, sugar plum. I understand brides get nervous sometimes, but this isn't a very ladylike behavior.”

Tink would have kicked him if there wasn't a serious risk of having her throat slashed by those claws. She had to escape while there was still light outside, but the mole had to be away. And first of all, she had to get rid of the rope. And knock out Miss Field. She'd take pleasure in that.

“Excellent!” cheered the Mole King. “I'll go check on the buffet.”

“Go rot in hell you- _mmmmph_!”

Miss Field shoved a piece of cloth inside her mouth.

“She's just joking, Your Majesty,” she said, in her cheerful, squeaky voice. “Go do whatever you need, your bride will be ready in time.” When he left, she turned her angry eyes to Tinker Bell. “Now listen here, you ungrateful brat, this wedding is happening, even if I have to drag you down the isle myself.”

Judging by the look on Tink's face, that was just what she'd have to do.

 

*

 

David cocked his head to the side and looked into the hole, as far as the eye could reach. Since the mines didn't have great illumination to begin with, and the Mole King's lair didn't seem to have any lights whatsoever, his eyes couldn't reach that far.

“That's a big mole,” he said.

“Yes, and the big mole got my girlfriend,” Neal answered, raising his flashlight to his eye level. It didn't help much.

“Why do you think he lives down here? Since he's human and all.”

“I don't know. Maybe he likes the claustrophobic feeling of it.”

“And the decorations,” Regina said, aiming the flashlight at a cockroach crawling on the wall. “Though maybe that's the buffet for the wedding.”

“There won't be a wedding,” Neal said, angrily, advancing inside the tunnel, right behind Emma. “We will grab Tink and get out of here before the Rat King can cause any trouble.”

“What if he does cause trouble?” David asked.

Regina shrugged. “Call pest control?”

 

*

 

Archie Hopper flipped through the book that had been shoved into his hands. Trying not to make the handcuffs rattle too much as his hands were shaking, he read through the marriage rituals of the underground people. Seemed pretty straightforward. All he had to do was keep his head together and keep his opinions to himself. Trying to reason with the Mole King and show him that there was a difference between true love and kidnapping had only earned him a scratch on the cheek.

“Listen here, the boss wants a simple ceremony,” Daniel said, standing on Archie's left and still eyeing him with suspicion. “No need for fancy talking.”

“Yeah!” Godfrey agreed, on Archie's right.

“You can say something pretty, but get to the 'I do' part as fast as you can so that we can eat.”

“Yeah!”

Archie nodded and mumbled “aham”, not really looking them in the eye. The Mole King's henchmen didn't seem to appreciate it when you stared at them. He wondered what they used to be in the underground world. Godfrey was probably a worm, all lanky and pale. But Daniel was a little harder to pin. He just hoped he wasn't a frog, or any other creature who had a taste for crickets.

“And the King doesn't want to hear the words True Love coming out of your mouth again,” Daniel continued, leaning closer, threatening.

“Yeah! Or kidnapping!” said Godfrey.

Archie flinched and nodded. “Yes, yes, very reasonable.”

Daniel sneered. “Good.”

He placed a large piece of cloth on Archie's shoulders. Some sort of dirty burlap cloak that had been mended too many times. Fleas were jumping out of it and Archie shuddered. If he left this cave alive, he'd indulge in a day-long bath.

Nobody else in the room seemed to mind it, though. Within the improvised chapel, which was only a big hole in the ground with benches and the holy signs of the underground people carved on the walls, men and women of all sizes and shapes were squeezing in for the wedding of the century. Most of them had a mousy-like appearance, though he was sure a couple of the hairy ones used to be caterpillars, and the people at the front had to be moles, with their tiny eyes almost fully closed because of the bleak illumination.

Everyone stood up at the same time and Archie's heart stopped beating for a second. This was it. The madness was about to start.

First came the Mole King, accompanied by a tiny woman, bent and old and very blind. As the groom, he had been given a dark fur coat that seemed to be as covered in dirt and fleas as his burlap sack, but Archie was not about to point that out. There were jewels and golden rings on his fingers, and his five-inch claws had been polished for the occasion, making them look even more threatening. The man's beady eyes focused on him and Archie shriveled even more. He might be a pest in their land, but in here he the tallest man in the room.

Then, the music started – some sort of wedding march that echoed within the tunnels, each note waiting for the echo to die before allowing the next one to begin, which gave an endless feeling to it. Over the music, there was growling, a violent, reluctant sound. Another small woman, this one younger and definitely a fieldmouse, appeared at the other side of the chapel, pulling a long rope. On the other end of the rope, Tinker Bell appeared. The way she was struggling, it was no surprise to Archie that she had been tied up.

 

*

 

Tinker Bell pulled and dug her heels on the red carpet that led the way to the Mole King. But her shoes were slippery and Miss Field was stronger than she appeared. There would be no fighting with her wrists bound together, and the rope harness that had been weaved around her dress only made it easier for anyone to just pick her up and carry her the rest of the way, if they so desired. As if that wasn't enough, she could barely moved inside that wedding dress, with its poofy sleeves, the round skirt inflated like a baloon, and the neckline so high she could barely move her head. Before she left her room, Tink had tried throwing herself on the ground, but Miss Field grabbed her by the hair (which she had conveniently styled in braids that formed two high handles on each side of her head) and pulled her up.

She would feel much better if only she could shout some really bad words at the old man, and the mousy woman, and all the guests, but she had shoved a dirty cloth inside her mouth and tied it behind her head. All Tink could manage was to mumble and growl her way down the isle.

Not that anyone seemed to mind. The guests were staring at her with wide eyes, sighing “oohs” and “aahs” as she was dragged on the red carpet. Even the Mole King was staring at her with tears in his eyes, as if this was a perfectly normal marriage. The only one who seemed freaked out by the whole ritual was Archie, who had gone pale and slack jawed.

She tried to snarl, “Let me go, you filthy rat!” but the sounds that came through the gag didn't resemble the words in the least.

Someone to her right sighed, “Isn't she beautiful?”

And someone to her left said, “What a lucky girl.”

The world had gone insane. The world had _officially_ gone insane.

The mousy woman pushed her to her ordained position and stood beside her, holding the rope like a leash.

“Aaahn...” Archie said, looking from Tink to the Mole King, not knowing how to proceed next. “Dearly... beloved?”

“ _Mmmph_!!” Tink tried, but the mousy woman gave the rope a painful pull, making her shut up.

“We are gathered here today... or tonight,” Archie proceeded, looking around for a window and finding none. “Either way, we are gathered. Uhn. To celebrate tru-”

Daniel gave him a slap in the back of the head.

“I mean, to join this woman and this... mole... in holy matrimony. Under the ground. Uhn. Do you, Mole King, take this woman... fairy... to be your... rather reluctant wife?”

“I do,” said the Mole King.

Tink snapped, “ _Mmph ash ye goo_!”

Another pull.

“Okay...” Archie said. He turned to her. “And do you-”

“ _Nah_!”

The Mole King laughed. “Isn't she cute? You can go on.”

Archie's eyes switched from him to her, and then back, and then to her again.

“Uhnn... Do you Tinker-”

“ _NAH_!”

Miss Field rolled her eyes and took a step closer to grab her chin and force her to nod.

“There!” she said. “The bride said yes. You can proceed.”

“Aaaahnnnn...” Archie said, looking around for someone to stand up and fight the madness. The audience seemed enthralled, though. “By the powers invested in me... by the two henchmen... I... does anybody want to say a few words?”

Silence.

“No? No big speeches? Mother of the groom? Nothing to say?”

Daniel stepped up and poked him in the ribs. Archie jumped.

“Right! Right. Okay. Uhn... then by the powers invested in me by the two henchmen... and against my better judgment... I declare- Seriously, a couple of words? For the happy couple? No?”

“ _Oh, I have a couple of words_!”

Tink whipped her head around. Neal was standing at the door, flanked by Emma, Regina and David, and looking royally pissed.

“ _Oh, thank god_!” Archie Hopper could have fainted from the relief.

Heads turned and _finally_ the guests started gasping, outraged. Tink tried to run to him, but Miss Field held her in place. The Mole King couldn't be bothered to even turn around. He simply rolled his eyes and told Archie, “You can carry on. Daniel. Godfrey.”

The sound of their names was enough to set the henchmen in motion with a complacent, “Right, boss.” They rushed down the aisle, Daniel saying, “Alright, folks, this doesn't concern you-”

“ _Doesn't concern me my ass_!” Neal shouted, his words echoing in the small cave. “ _That's my girlfriend_!”

“Mister, if you do not lower your voice, I will have to drag you people out of here myself.”

And to prove he was serious, Daniel pulled a knife out of his pocket. Godfrey giggled with sadistic delight.

Before Neal had the time to advance on them with his sword (he might deny it, but he had clearly taken after his father's showmanship), Regina executed a swift movement of the hand and sent the both of them flying against the farthest wall.

Now the Mole King was paying attention.

“I had them!” Neal complained.

“Sorry to keep you from a dashing rescue, but this cave smells and I want out of here.”

“Fine, whatever,” Neal stepped up towards the altar. The Mole King narrowed his eyes at him. “Alright, let her go, rat.”

The Mole King observed him, calculating risks. Then he said, “This is an underground affair and, as such, it is none of your business.”

“What part of 'you kidnapped my girlfriend' am I not making clear?!”

“No, no, no,” said Miss Field. “Not kidnapping. What a horrible word that is. This is a... marital arrangement.”

“Doesn't look like she's consenting to the marital arrangement,” David pointed out.

Tink shouted, “ _Ah gnot_!”

“My sugar plum may be a little feisty,” the Mole King conceded, “but I like that. Just as I like everything about her.”

“Your sugar plum?!” Neal repeated. “She's mine!”

“' _ey_!” Tink shouted, making Neal take a step back.

“Uhn... in a liberated woman, totally non-sexist kind of way.”

“Nice save,” Emma said.

Neal gave her a “not now” look. They could have lengthy debates about misogyny later. And they probably would.

“I don't expect overground people to understand the traditions of the underground,” the Mole King said. “But I expect these traditions to be respected.”

All around the chapel people started nodding.

“After all, what are we without our traditions? We are but animals!”

The guests said, “Yes!” and “Absolutely!” looking at their king in adoration.

“And we are not animals.”

“No!” they said, shaking their heads, some even laughed at the notion.

“Don't you agree, Sugar Plum?” he turned to Tink, stroked her bare shoulder. “Am I not as much of a man as any other?”

Tink got ready to scream the word “no” as loud and as clear as she could. But before she could even take a breath, Neal started growling. “Oh... that... is... IT!” And advanced to the Mole King with his cutlass ready. He made a fast movement, as if trying to cut him in half, from one side to the other. An impulsive, furious strike that was bound to be unaffective, but he wasn't thinking clearly. The Mole King took a step back just in time to avoid the blade, nearly falling on his ass in the process.

“ _Now you let my girlfriend go, or I SWEAR_ -!”

The screaming was interrupted by the loud sound of benches being pushed back as fifty guests got up all at the same time.

“Uuhnnnnn.... Neal?” Emma called, making him turn and realize that a hundred angry eyes were currently staring at him.

And then there was the Mole King, who was straightening his back and suddenly looking much bigger than Neal had first assessed in his fit of rage.

“You dare come into my house,” he said, low and dangerous. “You interrupt my wedding. You attack me before my bride.”

“Maybe we should all calm down a bit,” Archie suggested, weakly. When the mass of guests started attacking, he knew his pleas had been pointless.

 

*

 

Neal turned on his heels to face the incoming crowd. Tink screamed something that would have sounded like his name, were it not for the gag in her mouth. She tried to get away and join the fight, but Miss Field pulled at the rope again, violent and frustrated.

“For goodness's sake, girl!” she hissed. “You are being _impossible_!”

And to show her just how _impossible_ she could be, Tinker Bell stopped pulling at the rope and, instead, raised her bound fists and punched the the woman's mouse-like face as hard as she could. That did the trick. She fell on her back, completely knocked out.

Tink pulled the gag out of her mouth and looked over the crowd, trying to identify Neal, or David, or Emma. But all she could see was Regina, under the light of one of her fireballs. Before she could move from the altar to rescue her impulsive boyfriend, the Mole King grabbed her by the waist.

“Hey!” she shouted. “Let me go you big rat!”

“Are we declared married?” the Mole King asked, looking at Archie.

“I, uhn, I-”

A sharp claw was pressed to the therapist's throat, making him gasp.

“ _Are we declared married_?” demanded the Mole King.

“Yes!” Archie said. “Yes, fine! You're married!”

“That's all I needed.”

And with that, he took off, carrying Tinker Bell over his shoulder.

 

*

 

Neal would have liked to say that he had faced worse situations than having an army of fifty angry wedding guests descending upon him, all at once. But that would have been a lie. He raised his sword and waved it in the air a bit too frantically to actually cause damage, but it was enough to keep the underground people at bay. They didn't seem to have anything to fight him with, other than very pointy teeth and nails. But there was still fifty of them, and only one of him.

When Emma materialized beside him and sent a jolt of white magic that pushed everyone back, he had to admit, his dislike for magic improved just a little. That is, until the walls started to shake, sending the room into suspended terror. When the vibrations stopped, he started breathing again.

“Thank you,” he said, as she raised her arms again, palms open and ready.

“You're welcomed.”

The underground people hissed through sharp teeth as they pushed themselves to their feet.

“Any chance you can knock them out for good?” he asked.

“Sure, if you want me to make the whole tunnel collapse.”

Someone jumped towards Neal with a candlestick – a wedding gift, probably. He had no qualms in kicking that person in the chest.

“Can you change them back to bugs?” he shouted.

“Not all at once, but I'll do my best! Regina!” Emma shouted, as a fireball nearly burned her eyebrows off. “ _Mind your aim_!”

“ _This is a small space_!”

“ _Neal! A little help over here!_ ”

Neal turned around, but all he could see were Tinker Bell's eyes as she was carried away, down another dark tunnel.

“Tink!”

“Go! We got this!” Emma said.

From the other side of the crowd, David shouted, “ _I'm not sure that's true_!” while trying to keep five people at bay and not being very successful at it.

Neal charged after the Mole King.

 

*

 

“I'm sorry this had to happen, sugar plum,” said the Mole King, breathless as he ran down the tunnel. “I'm sure this isn't the wedding you had dreamed of-”

“YOU DEMENTED BEAST!” Tink screamed, kicking and squirming over his shoulder. “YOU PUT ME DOWN BEFORE I KILL YOU!”

“Yes, that would make anyone grumpy, I can understand. But there is always the honey moon to look forw-”

“THERE WILL BE NO HONEY MOON YOU MONSTER NOW PUT ME DOWN RIGHT – THIS – INSTANT!”

“You know, if you don't stop screaming, there is a very good chance they will track us down-”

“I KNOW THAT!”

“ _Tink!”_ Neal screamed, right behind them.

“I'M HERE! THIS WAY!”

“Oh, hell,” sighed the Mole King, stopping on his tracks and putting the fairy down on the floor. “As much as I appreciate your feisty personality, this is getting tiring.”

“GOOD!” she spat at him.

“We are going to have a conversation about being a supportive spouse later, sugar plum,” he promised, straightening his back and turning to the dark tunnel. “This is so unpleasant. I really didn't want to kill anybody on our wedding day.”

 

*

 

While the wedding chapel had been illuminated by torches, the tunnels were dark. Even in human form the underground people were more comfortable in the dark. Neal, on the other hand, had to rely on a flashlight as he followed Tinker Bell's voice. That made his progress slow, and he feared he might lose them, but when he turned a corner, there they were, Tink sitting on the floor, tied up and looking very frustrated in her inflated wedding dress, and the Mole King standing between the two of them, looking massive on his filthy fur coat. But he wasn't running anymore, nor attacking.

“That's my girlfriend you got there,” Neal said, pointing the sword at Tink.

“You are one stubborn overgrounder, aren't you?” the Mole King said. “And that is not your girlfriend, that is my wife.”

“Yes, your marriage was officiated by a magic cricket. I don't know how you do things in your world, but in this one, you need at least a marriage license. And the bride's consent.”

“Which is something I've been repeating for three days now,” Tink said.

“This isn't your world, in case you haven't noticed,” the Mole King said, ignoring her. “I've tried to be a good neighbor. I tried to respect your way of life-”

“Respect our-”

“We kept to ourselves and we didn't interfere-”

“You kidnapped-”

“But since you feel so strongly about this and refuse to let the issue go,”he insisted, louder, “seems like we'll have to do this the old-fashioned way.”

With that, he raised his hands, not making them into fists, but bending his fingers to show Neal his sharp claws.

Neal frowned. “Aaaare you saying we'll have to fight for her? Like, seriously?”

Tink rolled her eyes. “Is this for real?” she asked. “Are you going to _duel_ for me?”

“Sugar plum, please, this is a man's issue,” said the Mole King, hands still up. “I have to protect my bride. If he wants you, he can come and get you.”

“Well, since you asked!” Neal growled, taking a step forward to try to stab him somewhere painful, but not fatal, at least as long as he could avoid that. The Mole King was unarmed, he shouldn't put up much of a fight.

When his claws connected with the blade, producing a spark and leaving no sign of a wound, Neal knew he had assessed the situation poorly.

“Careful!” Tink shouted. “They're really sharp!”

“Yes, I can see that!” Neal said, as the Mole King advanced on him, fighting his sword as if it was nothing. “Could have told me that before! WHOA!” An index finger passed close to his cheek, forcing him to lean back and, in the process, knocking his flashlight to the ground.

“You overgrounders are arrogant,” sneered the Mole King, as Neal tried to keep himself near the flash of light, but barely being able to see the other man's legs, let alone the sharp claws that kept aiming for his face. “You think you can come into my kingdom and take my bride. You can't even see in the-”

He was cut short by the sound of an upbeat samba music. It must have sounded so foreign to him that the shock of it made him stop the fight for a second. Neal took advantage of the break to take his cellphone from his pocket and flip it open, the little light that came from it providing enough illumination to get a glimpse of the Mole King's confused face.

“What?” Neal asked.

“Hey,” his father said, unnervingly cheerful. “Is this a bad time?”

The Mole King struck again, his nails making sparks in the dark.

“Yeah, I'd say that's bad timing!” Neal all but shouted.

“What is this noise?”

“It's the sound of your son dueling in the dark for his girlfriend's freedom with a freaking mole!”

“You're dueling with him in the dark?!” his father said. “Don't you know moles have night vision?”

“I do now!”

“Duels are dangerous, Baelfire! Where are you? I'll come by and pick you up.”

“ _THIS ISN'T SOCCER PRACTICE, DAD! OUCH!_ ”

His sword clattered on the ground. Though he couldn't see it, Neal could feel the back of his hand bleeding rather badly. With his bare foot, the Mole King kicked back the sword, sending it far away from Neal – and, in the process, much closer to Tinker Bell, but he didn't think much of it.

There was a mean smile in the other man's face.

“I just lost my leverage,” Neal informed his dad, one fist raised in front of it face. “If you have any ideas, this is the moment to tell me.”

“Where are you? I'll go there and turn this Mole King into a cockroach!”

“Can you get here in less than five minutes?”

“I can if you can tell me where you are!”

“ _In a dark tunnel!_ ”

“...I might need more than that.”

“THERE IS NO MORE THAN THAT!!”

“Fine, fine! Then I have something that you might try.”

“Do you mind sharing it before he kills me?” he said, ducking to miss four sharp claws that tried to slash his throat open.

“Belle found something you might find helpful... uhn...”

Neal could hear the soft sound of pages being turned above his opponent's heavy breathing.

“Anytime now?!”

“Here we go! The Mole King is not actually a mole, not in his true form. He and his people were cursed centuries ago. They used to be human beings. But now they can only live underground, because-”

“ _If you can cut the history lesson a couple of hours short?!_ ”

“They go back to being pests under the light!” his father said. “That's why they live in the dark.”

“Well, I don't exactly have a window here!”

“It doesn't have to be sunlight. It just have to be strong.”

“Fine, okay, gotta go!”

“But-”

Neal dropped the phone on the ground and, as the Mole King took a step forward to deliver a final blow that would very likely rip his head from his neck, Neal threw himself down on the dirt and dove for the flashlight.

“Now I got you, you ugly son of a bitch!” he said, aiming the beam of light in his eyes.

The Mole King grimaced and said, “Ugh!”

And then he looked up, teary eyed, but very much human. And very much upset.

Neal waited. Maybe it took a moment. Or maybe the flashlight was simply not enough.

“That was rude,” growled the Mole King, looking even more pissed than before. Clearly, he did not appreciate light, especially when it was being shone into his eyes.

Neal had the fraction of a second to assess his current situation. He had no idea where his sword was, his only way to communicate with his father was on the floor somewhere, and his only weapon against the Mole King's razor sharp claws was a flashlight.

He was about to declare this the worst rescue mission of all time when he heard Tinker Bell say, “HEY! RAT KING!”

The Mole King turned around. Neal thought that maybe he could hit him in the back of the head of the flashlight, when there was an explosion of blinding light. The Mole King screamed, horrified, covering his eyes, and even Neal had to look away. Behind closed eyelids, he heard the Mole King say, “No, sugar plum! Why?!”

“ _Because I am not your freaking sugar plum!_ ”

And then there was silence.

After a moment, Tinker Bell came to tap on his shoulder. Neal struggled to open his eyes. The whole tunnel was suddenly bright, as if sunlight had found a way in.

Tink was standing in front of him, hands bound, but holding up his sword. “Do you mind? These knots are really uncomfortable.”

Neal jumped from the ground and put himself between Tink and the empty fur coat that had once been the Mole King. He said, “Careful!”

“With what?” she asked. “He's harmless.”

Neal wasn't sure. He approached the fur coat with caution and used the sword to get it out of the way. On the dirt, still looking furious, but harmless, was a little mole. It seemed to be screaming at the both of them, angry words in a mole language that Neal didn't understand.

“Aw!” Tink said. “He's kinda cute like this. Do you want to keep him as a pet?”

“How did you do this?!” Neal asked, baffled. “No! How did you even _know_ that this would work?!”

Tink held up her hands again. Neal thought she was asking him to cut her loose again, but she was actually showing a glittery dust on the tips of her fingers.

“Fairy dust,” she explained. “This tunnel runs deeper than the others. If you dig long enough you can find fairy dust. Your sword is not much of a pickaxe, but it served its purpose. And as for _how_ , I spent the last three days with him. Trust me, I am very well versed in underground history.”

“Right. Oh, no, no, no, no, your majesty!” Neal said, as the Mole King tried to dig his way out of the tunnel. Neal threw the fur coat over him and scooped him up, making a sack out of the it. “You are not going anywhere.”

“You look disappointed,” Tink pointed out, as he finally cut the rope on her wrists to set her free.

Neal admitted, “I just thought this was going to be a bit more, you know, heroic. On my part, that is. Not that I don't think you kicked ass.”

He leaned in to kiss her. She smiled at him. “You kicked ass, too. But maybe next time, do the research _before_ coming to my rescue.”

 

*

 

By the time they reached Emma and David, Rumple had already called them in desperate need of some news and, in the process, told them how to defeat the wedding guests more efficiently. Archie was currently putting together a large collection of bugs on the altar table, so that no one would be accidentally stepped on.

“Light magic,” Emma said, sounding proud of herself.

“Fairy dust,” Tink replied, showing her sparkly hand and earning herself a high five in the process.

“I'm starting to see a pattern in the girls you date,” Regina said. She threw Neal her cellphone. “Here. Put your old man out of his misery.”

Neal took the phone and had barely said, “Papa-” when Rumple's voice said, loud enough to be heard throughout the chapel, “ _Don't ever do that again! You need to call when a duel is over! I almost had a heart attack!_ ”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry,” he said, handing the Mole King to Tinker Bell and walking a few steps away. His rescue hadn't gone according to plan, he didn't need to add another embarrassment to it.

Tinker Bell looked at the ground, making sure not to step on any party guests. The last thing they needed was to start another war with the underground people because she killed a baby ladybug.

David pointed at the fur coat. “Is that the-”

“Yup. He's a mole again. At least for as long as there's light in here.”

“And what do you want to do with him?” Emma asked. “We could take him back to the station and keep him in a nice little cage.”

“What, as a pet?”

Emma shrugged. “Could be.”

“Or I could seal the tunnels?” Regina suggested. “To make sure they stay down here. It's not like they mind living in the underground.”

David said, “I mean, as long as you can guarantee he won't come looking for you again.”

Inside the sack, the Mole King tossed and turned and kicked, making furious noises.

Tink said, “I think it's safe to say he's over me.”

Neal came back. “I convinced dad not to blow this place up, but he said he wants us out of here in five minutes, or less.”

“Okay, sealing the tunnels it is,” Emma agreed.

“Yes, and can someone poof me out of this?” Tink asked, pointing at her ridiculous wedding gown. “I don't think I'll fit through those tunnels in it.”

Tink let the sack fall on the ground and, after a ridiculous struggle, the Mole King seemed to find his way out. He immediately scurried back to his people. Archie eyed it with a bit of fear and rushed in the opposite direction.

“Can we get out of here?” he said. _“Please?”_

 

*

 

“I gotta say, even though I am a bit disappointed in myself, that was really impressive, what you did back there,” Neal said, as they walked hand in hand. Once the entry to the tunnels was sealed with magic, Emma had healed the cut on the back of his hand and offered to give them a ride in the Sheriff's car, but they had decided they'd had enough of confined spaces for a lifetime and said they would rather walk home.

“It's a little less impressive if you take into consideration I didn't think of it for three whole days,” Tink conceded, her wings stretched, enjoying some freedom after the ropes and the corset. “And also if you take into consideration that I was kidnapped by a field mouse.”

“Hey, I just fought a mole and got this close to losing. And his secret weapon was _nails_.”

“But they were sharp.”

“ _They were freaking sharp!_ ”

Tink laughed.

Neal shook his head. “We are never telling our kids this story.”

“Oh, c'mon! It's a beautiful story! It's a story about heroism and true love conquering over kidnapping and madness.”

“Yeah, right.”

“It's also the story of how daddy thought a flashlight could defeat the Mole King.”

“It wasn't _that_ bad.”

“Tremble before me!” Tink said, in a boasting voice. “It is I! Sir Neal of the flashlight!”

“Okay, I see your point.”

“A knight who fights with honor, bravery, and two double D batteries!”

“Are you done?”

“Fear my led power!”

“Tink-”

“I shall _click_ you until you surrender, foul demon!”

“Tink-”

“I am the knight of the-”

“Oh good lord!” Neal said, finally pulling her into a kiss to make her shut up.

 

 

 


End file.
